


to be normal again

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: :), Drug Dealing (mentioned), Heavy Angst, Mentions of Suicide, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, god i have really dark headcanons for this boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:19:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: dustin thinks about important stuff.





	to be normal again

**Author's Note:**

> this is a lowkey vent fic woopsies
> 
> can't believe this is the first work i'm posting on ao3 wowie i'm depressing

at first glance, you'd think dustin kropp was a normal boy, but that was far from the truth.

 

dustin kropp hated silence.

 

completely normal for a boy his age, who wanted their lives filled with loud music and anticipation. but nothing good ever happened if it was followed by silence, right?

 

the bang of two guns, the slicing of two wrists.

 

pools of blood splattered on the floor, swirling around and spreading across the once clean, white tiles of the kitchen floor, dancing and mixing into a disastrous puddle of dark, dark red.

 

the emptiness that comes within it, reminding him that everybody that he cared about, everybody that cared about him, who decided to actually give a damn about him, if only for a second, was gone.

 

because oh, boo hoo, who would care about dustin kropp, the ghost, the stoner, the anxious freak, without wanting to shoot their brains out or carve the veins out of their wrists?

 

dustin was okay with being invisible. left in the shadows, only coming out when needed. that was his specialty, after all. he doesn't want to hurt anybody else, have to make them deal with the mess that is dustin kropp.

 

if he's not hurting anyone, not pleading for the presence of someone, anyone to care about him for once in his life without feeling like a worthless failure who can't even manage to keep his damned parents alive and

 

he's okay with that.

 

because nobody deserves that.

 

but the thing that pisses him off the most is jake dillinger.

 

fucking jake dillinger.

 

his skin crawls whenever he even hears that name, because he can get so much attention and so many people care about him and sympathize with him, when his parents run off all over again and jake's left with nobody but oh, no worries, he has his 27 damned ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends and hell, even an ex-enbyfriend who can all make sure that the great god jake dillinger is okay!

 

but who's counting, right?

 

he hates jake dillinger, but no, he doesn't, he's just jealous that he's so open and can talk to people about his problems without feeling like a damned burden, and that people are willing to listen to him and think about him without associating him with their next batch of marijuana or their new bag of cocaine, because that's not his only source of income in the hell of a town that's middleborough, new jersey, and he doesn't laugh whenever someone calls it that because he's not a loser who listens to on the town religiously and

 

dustin kropp got used to the silence, he had to at some point, right? it's not like the 3 dead bodies at the graveyard a couple blocks down are going to magically come back to life and people will actually start to care about him again, that's just child's play.

 

and as much as he hates to admit it, nobody would actually care about him again. he used to be healthy, had people who would give a fuck if he were to try to go out the same way they had, but he let go of the ones he needed most, and he blew it. he'd let the ones he cared about most and let them far out of his reach, let them float away gracefully in the wind, leaving him alone in the place he dared to call his home.

 

home was for family. a family he didn't have, but god he wished he did, wished he'd be normal, wished he'd had a mom who'd ground him for the slightest things like staying out past 8:00 or a dad who'd go to his football games or an older sister who'd fight him about who'd be the first one in the shower in the mornings. he let that all go, but goddamnit, he'd do anything to get it back, to have a normal family again, to have people whp cared about him again, to tell him everything would be okay, even if they didn't believe it themselves, and dustin wanted to be mad at them, he tried so hard to be angry at the fact that they couldn't even follow their own advice, but he couldn't, because even if they weren't there anymore, he still loved them with his whole heart.

 

dustin just wanted to be normal again.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't proofread this, sorry if it's shitty (there's a 99.999% chance it is)


End file.
